Mr. Fenton is no longer welcome in K-Mart, thus
the letter below that was delivered by mail to his wife ....
Dear Mrs. Fenton,
Over the past six months, your husband, Mr. Bill Fenton,
has been causing quite a commotion in our store. We cannot
tolerate this type of behavior and have considered banning the entire
family from shopping in any of our stores.
We have documented all incidents on our video
surveillance equipment.
Three of our clerks are attending counseling
from the trouble your husband has caused. All complaints against Mr.
Fenton have been compiled and are listed below.
Mr. Wally Underwood K-Mart Complaint Department
_______________
*_MEMO FOR RECORD_**: *
Re: Mr. Bill Fenton Complaints - 15 Things Mr.
Bill Fenton has done while his spouse is shopping:
1.. June 15: Took 24 boxes of condoms and
randomly put them in people's carts when they weren't looking.
2. July 2: Set all the alarm clocks in House
wares to go off at 5-minute intervals.
3. July 7: Made a trail of tomato juice on the
floor leading to the Ladies restroom.
4. July 19: Walked up to an employee and told
her in an official tone, 'Code 3' in house wares.....
and watched what happened.
5. August 4: Went to the Service Desk and asked
to put a bag of M&M's on layaway along with a container
of Kaopectate.
6.. September 14: Moved a 'CAUTION - WET
FLOOR' sign to a carpeted area.
7. September 15: Set up a tent in the camping
department and told other shoppers he'd invite them in if they'll
bring pillows from the bedding department.
8. September 23: When a clerk asks if they can
help him, he begins to cry and asks,
"Why can't you people just leave me alone?'
9. October 4: Looked right into the security
camera; used it as a mirror, and picked his nose.
10. November 10: While handling guns in the
hunting department, asked the clerk if he knows
where the antidepressants are.
11. December 3: Darted around the store
suspiciously loudly humming the "Mission Impossible" theme.
12. December 6: In the auto department,
practiced his "Madonna look" using different size funnels.
13. December 18: Hid in a clothing rack and
when people browse through, yelled
"PICK ME!" "PICK ME!"
14. December 21: When an announcement came over
the loud speaker, he assumes the fetal position and screams
"NO! NO! It's those voices again!!!!"
(And; last, but not least!)
15. December 23: Went into a fitting room, shut
the door and waited a while then, yelled, very loudly,
"There is no toilet paper in here!"
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